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Prisoners fight for the right... to cross dress

It’s great to live in a country where everyone’s rights are defended, even when they are in the nick. Hot on the heels of news that convicts will be given the right to vote (and why not I say, isn’t the punishment the loss of liberty? What if loads of political prisoners were banged up in a near future fascist state for jumped up charges and then denied a vote – Burma today, Britain including Epping tomorrow? Who knows...) news has emerged that transvestite and sex swap lags will be allowed to dress up in women’s kit, including dresses and even padded bras!

New guidelines released by the Ministry of Justice (if that doesn’t sound Orwellian nothing will) state that convicts should be allowed to wear gender appropriate clothing and this can be ordered online by prisoners if they want non-standard attire as provided by the prison. Inmates will also be able to buy Loreal (because they’re worth it) and other cosmetics including foundation and blusher to conceal their five o clock shadow. I have visions of Roy Barroclough and Les Dawson standing at the doorway of their cell, hoisting their bosoms and curling their lips, having a good gossip!

It transpires that the new rules also instruct officers to use the title ‘mister’ when speaking to any of the prisoners but in the case of the sex swap, transsexual folk they must use ‘miss’ or ‘ms’ instead. Private access to showers must also be arranged.

If you are no longer a man because you have had your man bits chopped off then should you not be in a woman’s prison? I’m no expert (you’re not? What a surprise! Ed.) but I understand the butterfly effect and it seems to me that once you have come out of the pupa you are a butterfly, end of story? If you have had a sex change and have become your gender of choice and design then isn’t it a funny thing to be in a prison surrounded by men? It’s like giving a fat kid the keys to a sweet shop is it not? Or like giving me the keys to my local... Some chance!

It’s a modern world! And here is me, all old fashioned and horny as a loon, for women I must point out. No, I’m all man, red blooded, heterosexual, silent and strong type, a man’s man, a man women desire and men admire (he doth protest too much! Ed.) and I like to be with women! A long legged, lithe lovely. A busty escort beauty from Essex Escorts. Stunning English escorts from Chelmsford, Dagenham and beyond making my wildest dreams come true. What’s not to like. I think I will keep my man bits for a while longer!

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